Counter Balance

Here I sit wide awake from heartburn for the second night in a row. All I want to be doing right now is sleeping, but sadly, I cannot because my chest feels like a fire pit sending acidic smoke signals up to the back of my throat. SO, to pass the time, while I wait for these stupid Tums to start working their magic, I thought I would update my blog.

After reviewing a few of my previous posts, I realized that I complain a lot. I don't mean to, and I actually am a fairly positive person. It just seems that it is sometimes easier for me to write/vent about the annoying things of life than it is to ramble on about all of the wonderful things of life. There are several things that I feel extremely blessed about; however, and I think it would be a good time to pay tribute to a few of those things now:

My salvation, my family - especially my amazing husband and unborn baby, my friends, my church, my health, my home, two working vehicles, my husband's job in an unsteady economy, my art - all forms, food enough to satisfy daily, my clothes and shoes free from holes or stains, clean water to drink and indoor plumbing, electricity, air conditioning for the scorching heat and a heater for the frigged air, a warm bed to sleep in every night, internet, television, books to read and the education to have learned to read them...

Seriously, there are so very many things to be thankful for. Everyone goes through ups and downs - trials and tribulations as well as victories. I am not alone in my sorrow or my joy. My situations are not unique, and there will always be someone in a harsher situation just as there will be someone seen in a more glamorous light. When I weigh out my life, though, I have to say, that despite my misfortunes, I am privileged, and I am blessed.

Pregnancy SUCKS!!

Everyone always has an opinion about everything, so I know that even the mere indication of negativity toward pregnancy will immediately send my readers to various thoughts of mutual agreement or utter disgruntlement. Either way, I cannot help how I feel. My hips and back hurt all the time; my feet and ankles swell anytime I stand for more than thirty minutes; I am up peeing through half of the night; it has become almost impossible to sleep; I am hungry every waking hour of the day; I have hair growing in places it should not be growing; my breasts have become permanently sore; and as of late, my skin feels like it is being ripped apart by a guillotine stretcher. There are only three things pulling me through all of this right now (aside from the Lord whom I lean on for strength), and I pray that they will continue getting me through - as I hear, it only gets worse from here.

First, the fact that I am nearly halfway through this pregnancy is such a huge relief. Whenever I get to thinking about how much pregnancy SUCKS, I just remind myself of this little fact... Seriously, I have already made it through all of the yucky first trimester morning sickness (which, by the way, who ever it was that named morning sickness, "MORNING sickness," needs to be punched in the nose), and it did not take TOO long to get through the first twenty weeks; I think I can make it another twenty weeks.

Second, I have the best husband ever. I know everyone always says that they have the best husband/wife/child, but in my case, it is not just a silly cliche. I truly believe that there is not a man out there who is better suited for me, and he has been so incredibly wonderful through this whole experience. He handled all of the cooking when I was queasy and could not even stand the sight (let alone the smell or feel) of raw meats and other foods. He has made sure that I have not had to wash even one dish, and he has kept the kitchen and all of the bathrooms clean for me. He rubs my feet when they are all puffy and sore; he runs to the store for anything I need, and when my hormones are all crazy, he just holds me while I cry (over the stupidest things I might add). If it were not for all of Richard's help and understanding, there is no way that I would be making it through this pregnancy.

Third, feeling the baby move is the most incredible, alien, miraculous experience. While he/she does not move all the time (or I do not feel it all the time, I should say), when the baby does move, it brings a smile to my face, and all the negativity disappears. At first, it felt like little waves (like you would feel from someone swimming past you in a pool) in the very bottom of my stomach (just about as low as you can go, in fact), and now it feels more like someone is flicking me from the inside. I know that might not sound enjoyable, but it really is. Every time I feel the baby move, it is as if we are bonding in some strange way, and all of my nerves and apprehensions for the baby's arrival seem insignificant.